There are several issues that may arise after a divorce (especially if you and your ex don’t get along) that can not only cause high levels of stress for your children but could also trigger serious legal problems. One such issue, which is more common than you might think, occurs when one parent denies the other parent access to the children. Unless the court has prohibited you from seeing or contacting your kids, no one can deny you or them access to each other.
When you finalized your divorce, you did not agree to be at the beck and call of your former spouse regarding your children. However, you did agree to specific terms in your co-parenting plan. Also, whether you’re the custodial or non-custodial parent, you have a right to communicate with your children and must respect the same right for your ex.
Incorporating as much detail as possible into a custody agreement can help parents avoid confusion and disputes after a divorce. Is there terminology in your agreement that addresses communication and access between kids and parents? Ambiguous terms like “reasonable” can muddy the waters because each parent might interpret the word differently. In a basic custody agreement, parents can call, text or video chat their children at any time, within reason. It’s that last part that can fuel a debate.
If you call to talk to your children and your ex doesn’t answer the phone, it doesn’t necessarily mean he or she is “denying access” to your kids. Perhaps your ex was driving at the time or taking a shower or had some other legitimate excuse for not taking your call. If this type of incident frequently occurs, then you might have a problem on your hands.
If your children stay with your ex for a week at a time, and you try to call every day but are only getting a response one time (or not at all), then you can logically assume your ex is trying to deny access to your children, which is not okay.
The existing court order that was issued in your California child custody case includes the terms to which you and your ex agreed when you finalized your divorce. If your ex is denying you access to your children, you can ask the judge to enforce the court order (if your ex is disregarding specific terms) or address the issue if the court order has not already enforced it.
]]>This, of course, means you’d need a secondary residence to stay in when it’s not your turn to live with the kids. Some parents simply rent a studio apartment or spare room in a friend’s or relative’s home. There are also several problems that may arise when implementing a bird nest custody plan. It’s best to learn more about these issues ahead of time so that you can determine how to avoid them.
Sharing a home after divorce can be challenging; however, it can also be beneficial for children because it helps them maintain a sense of normalcy and routine in their daily lives and minimizes some of the disruption child custody proceedings can cause. One of the potential problems that can arise in a bird nest arrangement is spontaneous removal of objects from the home.
To avoid disputes, it’s best to determine ahead of time what furniture, artwork, kitchen supplies and other items will stay in the home where your kids will live full time. Agree (in writing, preferably) that neither parent will remove anything from the property without the other parent’s approval.
Since you and your ex will take turns living in the home you shared during marriage, things can get a bit awkward if one of you enters a new relationship or remarries. You might want to restrict dating to locations outside the home. However, if you’re both okay with new partners staying at the house, you can write out terms of agreement, such as designating certain rooms off limits.
Things will quickly go from bad to worse if you and your ex refuse to cooperate regarding sharing information with each other about your children following your divorce. If you don’t want to have to engage in conversation every time you exchange custody, you can keep each other informed by posting a white board or message board in a conspicuous location in the house. Each parent can check the board as soon as he or she arrives to see if there’s a message about the kids from the other parent.
Even in the happiest of marriages, parents sometimes disagree. Data shows, however, that when children have constant exposure to parental conflict, they have a more difficult time coping with divorce. If you can’t be in the same room or share the family home with your ex without fighting, consider implementing a parallel parenting plan alongside your bird nest arrangement.
Parallel parenting means that you limit interaction with your ex to text messaging or email only. If legal complications arise as you attempt a bird nest child custody plan, you can seek the court’s intervention to help resolve the problem.
]]>In such cases, it’s helpful to implement a parallel parenting strategy. This is an arrangement that works well for former spouses whose parenting styles are quite different from each other. It’s also useful to those who can’t seem to be in the same room without arguing. If you want to try this strategy, you and your ex must first agree to several ground rules.
Parallel parenting is a co-parenting strategy where parents do not interfere with each other’s households in any way, and they avoid in-person interaction with each other. The following list includes several issues to which you and your ex must agree for parallel parenting to work.
The primary goal is to promote peaceful co-parenting by avoiding interaction or intrusion into each other’s daily lives. Children cope better following a divorce when parental conflict is minimal.
You might be able to put a parallel parenting plan into practice yet still encounter child custody problems. If that happens, it’s best to try to remain calm, assess the situation and reach out for support as needed to help resolve the issue. For example, if your ex is denying you access to your children while they’re in his or her custody, you can bring the matter to the court’s attention.
It’s not always possible to amicably resolve an issue, especially if your ex is trying to cause trouble on purpose. This is why there are California child custody guidelines. The court believes in helping parents establish an agreement that protects children’s best interests and provides them with the coping skills they need to come to terms with their parents’ divorce.
]]>As a parent requesting primary or sole child custody, what do you want the court to know about you? You’ll want to demonstrate that you understand the seriousness of the situation and that you are a confident, capable, responsible adult who is ready to take on the full responsibility of caring for your children. If you walk into court looking disheveled, it might send the wrong message.
Since a courtroom is in a formal setting, it is best to wear clothing that would be acceptable for an important business meeting or job interview. Rather than vibrant colors or patterns, consider wearing neutral tones, such as blue, gray, black or beige. Choose dress shoes with low heels, and avoid tight-fitting, as well as overly baggy, clothing. Your goal is to look clean and professional.
For men’s clothing, it is best to wear a tucked-in shirt (long sleeves, collared and buttoned) with a belt and dress pants. Women’s dresses or skirts should be knee length or longer. Plunging necklines and shirts with graphics or lettering on them are not appropriate for the courtroom.
The last thing you want to happen during a child custody case is to wear clothing that prompts a judge to excuse you from the courtroom. Tank tops, shorts, ball caps or shirts with offensive messages all place you at risk for the judge asking you to exit the room, which, of course, would not help you achieve a favorable ruling in your case.
When a California family court judge makes child custody decisions, the children’s best interests are a central focus of the proceedings. As a parent, you want what’s best for your kids. If you believe that gaining sole custody is best, you’ll want to do everything in your power to convince the judge, which includes but is not limited to dressing in a manner that creates a positive impression.
If you’re unsure about how to dress for a child custody case or have questions about state laws, it’s best to reach out for additional guidance, rather than make assumptions that may be counterproductive to accomplish your goals.
]]>If this has been an issue in your divorce case, and your children will be attending school in a few weeks, it’s a good idea to inform school administrators that a judge has issued an RO against your ex. On one hand, you might feel uncomfortable sharing private information with your children’s teachers, principal or coaches. On the other hand, if you don’t have it on record at school that your ex does not have permission to pick up your kids or visit them without supervision, etc., serious problems could arise.
Most family court judges in California have finalized divorces where domestic violence was a primary factor. If you accuse your ex of abuse, you must be able to substantiate the claim. A visible physical injury, such as a contusion or abrasion, creates compelling evidence. However, many cases involve emotional or mental abuse, which is more difficult to prove.
If you obtain a restraining order to keep your children safe, it is vitally important to have a support system in place, especially in places where other adults have authority over your children, such as school, camp, sporting events or daycare. School officials and other adults in the community who have temporary watch over your children on a regular basis can make sure that no one picks them up unless they have permission to do so.
It’s possible that the judge who issues a restraining order in your divorce might prohibit your ex from coming within a certain distance of your children. This means that he or she could be in violation of the order without even entering your child’s school. When you inform school officials about the RO, it’s also important to provide details, such as specific distances or other prohibitions included in the court order (like not calling your kids on a cell phone).
If you believe your ex is disregarding a child custody order or is placing your children at risk while they’re at school or elsewhere, you can take immediate steps to seek guidance and support, including asking the court to intervene.
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